I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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