I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
