What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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