Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
