what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize