you traded sex for a burrito?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
