she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
