I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
