is wine microwaveable?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
