my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
