Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize