I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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