Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
