Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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