I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
This is classic penis vs brain.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize