I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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