my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
