Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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