Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
