when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Say something about gay babies.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
