HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
