u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
