Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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