You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
