i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
