Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
