My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
They took my balls.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
