Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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