If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
