She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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