D3 body, D1 cock
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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