i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
