Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
