I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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