You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
