so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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