i'm signing you up for texting rehab
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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