I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Randomize
