Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
