HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
