this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
