I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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