i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
