the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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