i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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