If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
