You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
