i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
