my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
