she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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