Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
