I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
