You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
im holly from the hills drunk
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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