only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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