Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
