I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
