I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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