you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
