Will you blow on my dice?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
