were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
