so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
