I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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