I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Houston, we have a squirter
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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